This piece has been written to gently raise awareness around how adoption can affect the child – often in ways unseen but deeply felt
This reflection focuses on the adoptee’s experience. Birth parents and adoptive parents have their own journeys, often carrying grief, guilt, hope, and complexity. Those stories matter deeply, and we’ll explore them fully in a separate piece. But for now, this is about the child — the one who had no say.
It’s not natural for a child to be separated from their mother.
Before words. Before understanding. Before reasons could make sense of it.
The body remembers what the mind forgets —
or didn’t have words for.
And that remembrance can echo quietly through the years, in ways we don’t always recognise as connected.
Yes, there may have been love in the new home. Yes, the decision may have been made with care, even necessity. And yes, circumstances — often difficult ones — may have meant adoption was the best or only option at the time. This isn’t about blame. It’s about compassion. Understanding. Truth. Healing.
Because even in the most loving environments, something can remain unsettled.
This is why adoption-related wounds often echo throughout life in quiet, invisible ways.
Core Wounds That Can Arise in Adoption
Some of the most commonly identified core issues in adopted children arising from early separation include:
Rejection – Feeling unwanted, left out, or disposable.
Abandonment – A persistent fear that those we love will leave.
Guilt/Shame – Believing “there must have been something wrong with me.”
Grief/Loss – For what was, what wasn’t, or what should have been.
Identity/Self-Esteem – A fractured sense of who we are or where we belong.
Intimacy – Difficulty trusting or letting others close.
Anger – A protective mechanism, often rooted in unmet needs.
Control – Striving to manage our world to feel safe.
These aren’t personality flaws.
They are survival strategies—coping tools the nervous system created to help a child get through the world.
How These Issues Might Show Up Later in Life
Many adults don’t connect their current struggles to adoption at all. It can seem like “just who I am”—until we realise it’s not. It’s a response.
Here are just a few that many adoptees experience:
1. A Constant Search for Belonging – Feeling like an outsider, even in spaces that “should” feel safe.
2. Hyper-Independence – Not asking for help, because somewhere inside, there’s a belief it won’t come.
3. Rejection Sensitivity – Small slights or misunderstandings can hit hard, much harder than others might expect.
4. Relationship Challenges – Struggles with intimacy, vulnerability, or trust. The fear of abandonment whispers loudly.
5. People-Pleasing – A deep need to be liked or accepted, even at your own expense.
6. Emotional Numbness or Detachment – Finding it difficult to connect to feelings — your own or others’.
7. Achievement as Proof of Worth – Believing that if you just achieve enough, you’ll finally feel “enough”.
8. Deep Loneliness – Even when surrounded by others. Even when loved.
You are not imagining these patterns. They are real. And they are valid.
Why Hypnotherapy Can Be So Powerful for Adoption Healing
Traditional therapies like CBT or talk therapy can be useful—no doubt.
But when the wound is pre-verbal, logic alone doesn’t reach the roots.
Hypnotherapy is uniquely positioned to help because it bypasses the conscious mind and speaks directly to the emotional mind—the subconscious. The part of us that stores emotion, memory, and identity. Through hypnosis and somatic work, we access the mind-body connection where many of these patterns live.
It’s not about erasing the past.
It’s about meeting the younger part of you with compassion.
Soothing the nervous system.
Restoring a sense of safety.
Creating new, healthier patterns going forward.
Coming Home to You
This is your reminder:
You are enough.
You are not too much.
You are not unlovable.
And you deserve to love yourself as deeply and fiercely as you love others.
Your survival was never a mistake.
Your coping mechanisms were brilliant adaptations.
And now—when you're ready—you can begin to soften them.
Because who you are is unfolding with strength and grace.
Because this next chapter asks less of your defences and more of your heart.
And if any part of this resonates with you, please know you are not alone. You're not “crazy” for feeling what you feel. You’re responding exactly as a human would, based on what your system went through.
If you're ready to explore this more deeply or want to talk about how hypnotherapy might help, you’re welcome to reach out.
Let’s walk that path together—home to yourself.
